Currently Listening Stars: The Best of the Cranberries, 1992-2002 By Cranberries see related

i've been ate by maggots.

so i've been writting.
my passion is still there

its just there is so much else going on

other things on my mind

i've become a myspacewhore.
add&love me.

alcoholic

cold liquor
drink me up

i want to live
inside you
i'd make my way
straight to the core
that desperate beat
which pumps the blood
keeps you breathing

i'd sting you at first
but i'd be with you forever

your breath reeks of me from time to time
i hope

i hoped you'd become addicted
but how easily i've seen you kick the habit

you're no tortured soul.
just a dream i cant let go of.

susie sells seashells down by the seashore.

they wait
like stars in the sky
(&some are shooting
as if from the barrel of a gun)

blank faces
a blackboard wiped clean
tiny assorted marbles
all staring at me

i wish i had answers
(or something; candy coated)
for them
those christians
praying to a figure
with no reply

i never liked religion much
idols & adultry
bored me to tears

they wait still
those stars fell to the shore
& the dark open ocean
(which some are still lost in)
assorted shells
they all migrate eventually

little serpeants crawl from their mouths
they shoot knives in my chest
ears filled with cement

(& lucky for me)
they have lost the faith

but i never liked religion much
love was never patient or kid
to me

tiny hands
hold them now
tiny hands
cover them in glue & glitter
ready to put them on a jewelry box

i rely on tiny hands (like angel wings)
to help them find faith again

but i never liked religion much
the angels left me on the shore

i am just the tree
that longed to follow shooting stars
into the sea

snow white

dragons
with daggers for teeth
flame breather
burn me alive

i just sit
scared little princess
on a crooked hill
waiting so non chalantly
for a prince to save me

someday my prince will come
disney is such a liar.

the second one. is crazyness
i had parenting on my mind
i know i wrote it long ago
same for the last one.
i wonder if i'll ever be a parent. probably not. but its a nice thought
the first one.
i wrote today
i feel the need to write again

oh it comes & goes.
damn
i am poetrys little whore
it comes & fucks me when it pleases.
then leaves me craving more.

Currently Listening Deathgrip on Yesterday By Atreyu see related

i miss you.

its a saturday night
& everyone i know
is out having fun
my parents are in the next room
doing things i'd rather not think about
my brother is away
my best friends are busy

& i sit here
alone.

some things never change.

i've written a lot lately. but i have a habit of losing it & then finding it again.
well i found it.
so here we go

numbers
were never lovers
that i am sure of

they cannot whisper
sweet nothing
equations do not fill
those love letters
in my grandmothers basement

they are nazi soldiers
cold
& ready to gun me down
like a jew
i wish to be fair skinned with blonde hair
(& how i long for blue eyes)

i was bored in math.
plus we had just covered the haulocost in history.
yep

A p a t h y

6 bullets
dancing in the chamber of a gun

soldiers standing
still as scarecrows
only moving when
the wind blows
their blood spotted coats open
eyes round & dark
as the barrels of hte guns
they hold

she runs
bullets of wind
cut down her speed
as bullets cut her flesh

her blood
stains the ground
in the shape of wings

shoes break her wings
as they carry her
limp figure away
little red feathers stick to their heels
& all that remains are ashes
& 6 bullets

i'm not sure whats up with me lately
i wish things didnt change
i wish
i just miss you

i pretend you dont see me
but
i think you just dont want to see me.

Currently Listening Underworld: Evolution By Original Soundtrack see related

so this is my latest
i had to write it for prom
which is tomorrow now.

i cant believe i'm going.

but yeah, they are going to read this at my prom tomorrow night.
i cant believe it.
so here it is.
its really written from the juniors to the seniors so yep.

a little bag of jelly beans
all diffrent colors from purples to greens
all so similar yet so unique
all with a diffrent path to seek

some of them could be the next marilyn monroe
some of them could be the next henry david thoreau
dreams in their heads, stars in their eyes
chasing a world full of suprise

they are special sprouting seeds
we hope stand out among the weeds
we wish them luck as they grow
to help them make it through tomorrow

seniors of 2006
the coolest kids to come from Hicks
to you, this prom we dedicate
we tried our best to make it great

[ pee.ess. my schools name is Hick High School, siriously ]
so yeah, it isnt good at all really
but they liked it so yay

i'm really nervous about prom.
i never though i would go.
yeah, anyone who has read my xanga here for awhile has probably read my prom story thing.
which i'm going to post up again.
i'm so happy i was wrong when i wrote that thing . . . such a long time ago.
so happy i was wrong.

Prom night. that thing high school girls dream of. the dress. the date. the dance. that one night you can really feel beautiful & everything is wonderful. even if you dont have the date
the one night i can never afford
sure i've dreamed of it. wished i could have it on every star in the sky. But like my mother, when that dreamy night comes i fear i willl be sitting at home, alone. Not feeling lovely or dancing to crappy music. Not smiling & laughing surrounded by memories & friends. Just sitting at home being alone.
i'm a wishful thinker & i give myself false hope & dream that things can change. That i'll magically make tons of great friends & some amazing guy will ask me to go. Not even a great guy, any guy. & of course my family has tons of money so that gorgeous baby blue dress i've always wanted doesnt cost a penny. & i go & dance & smile & i'm really truly happy. Everything is perfect. But then i take a step back & look at reality & realize it will never happen.
the only real friends i have live so far away i would have to take a plane to hang out with them. & the few i have at school arent real friends. all i am to them is the girl who will listen to them & never complain. the doormat. . No guy in his right mind would touch me with a ten foot pole. Especially the guys in my school. a date to a dance is something i'll never get. & as for that lovely dress. the best my family can afford is whatever you can find at your local goodwill.
the truth is my life is a Cinderella story with no happy ending & no prince charming. Prom is just a daydream for me. Pretty dresses are something i'll never be able to wear or afford. That one perfect night that i've dreamed of since i was 6 wont ever come true. All i am is a poor teenager pouring her heart out on paper. A lonely fragile bookworm who dreams to have a love like a movie. A shy outcast who does her best to be diffrent but lurks in the shadows. Ugly & Beautiful. Happy & Tragic. Cynical & Romantic. Sarcastic & Serious. Smart & Naive. A walking contradiction
the one girl who will sit at home crying on prom night.

i have two new poems
for the whole one person that reads this.

but i dont have them typed up or with me
so yeah

instead i share this. cause it made me . . .
i dont know. i just wanted to share this.


its not by me.
its by her

--------------------------------------------

I remember loving you.

I remember how it used to feel, to touch your face while your not-so-clean hair glided beneath my fingertips. I'd push it off of your face, and kiss the empty spot it left. I remember the days when your smile was all I needed to stop the tears that seem to forever reside in the corners of my eyes- always threatening to spill out. I'm a leaky mess now. I remember your eyes as we made love, and I felt you everywhere inside of me. The way you'd kiss me and tell me you loved me made me feel like I had finally found it, that elusive happiness that only comes along once in a lifetime. I didn't care that you weren't perfect. I hurt whenever I wasn't with you.

I was addicted to you. You were like my drug, and whenever you weren't there, keeping me sane, giving me my next fix, I went crazy. I hurt and cried. I felt the pain of withdrawal... I don't think I've ever felt more alone than the times I was both with you and without you. Being completely alone is better than longing for someone who is yours but not entirely.

I know I wanted to keep you, and I know I attempted to domesticate you. I wanted to house-train you and groom you for my own selfish needs. I guess I just never thought that you and I were the same... neither of us was able to be tamed.

You were beautiful, inside and out. Too bad I can't say the same about myself.

I am so sorry.

--------------------------------------------

she said she's right here, she seems so distant
saying goodbye this time, the same old story
seeing you cry, makes me feel like saying sorry.